Alone and lonely are two completely separate issues for the Savvy Auntie at holiday time. The word alone is a description of a state of being. It is one of those words that really isn’t positive or negative, it is just a statement of a fact. Being lonely, on the other hand, is a word that is just plain negative. Lonely is a sad thing to be. Lonely means that we feel empty because we don’t have people around us to share with. While it may be impossible to spend time with family for numerous reasons at holiday time, there may be some ways to make sure that you don’t land up feeling lonely, even if you end up being alone.

There is a choice

What most people don’t understand about the way that they react to situations is that they do in fact have a choice in how events or issues are going to impact them. The way you gain control of how you feel is by slowing down your reactions. When you are getting emotional about something, take a step back and think about the reasons why you are feeling what you are feeling. Then take stock of what you can do to change the situation. When you do this little exercise, you start to focus your energy on moving away from the reaction and into action. Sometimes just gaining awareness of the reasons behind your feelings are enough to change them. Choose to slow down how you are feeling about your situation this holiday season. Examine those feelings and see what you can do about them.

Find some friends

It may seem obvious that one of the things that you can do is to reach out to friends, but not everyone likes to impose on their network for invitations. Some people have a hard time asking people if they can join them when they don’t have anywhere else to go. If you don’t want to be lonely or alone, this just might be the time to ask around and see if anyone will include you in their festivities. Think about it. Wouldn’t you open up your home to a friend that wasn’t doing anything special for the holiday?

Make your own traditions

Instead of feeling terribly that you can’t be with family, make your own tradition by having people over to your house. Even if you aren’t a good cook or aren’t used to entertaining, it might be the year to start. Call around, see who is free, and include them. This option might end up being way more fun than hanging with your family- just don’t tell them that I said so.

Volunteer

This may be the right time to donate some of your time to people who are less fortunate. If you have nowhere to go for the holidays try thinking of those poor people who have nowhere to go ever. There is nothing like comparing your issues to someone who is way worse off than you to put things in perspective. See if a local shelter could use your help.

Wallowing is okay sometimes

If you don’t have any family around you at this time of year, you just may want to give yourself permission to feel lousy about it. You don’t always have to give in to the pressure that the world puts on us to make the best of every situation. Sometimes, the things that you have to deal with just stink. Let yourself feel that stink. Stay at home, don’t get dressed, and don’t shower. Do whatever it is that you like to do when you really want to feel like garbage. Give yourself a one day pass to be grumpy and miserable.

This year, don’t let the holidays get the best of you, regardless of what your plans are. Make choices about how you want to feel and spend your time in ways that will allow you to feel the way that you want to.